Fakti za Jack Bauer 
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Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster and with more deaths.
Anything is a weapon of mass destruction in the hands of Jack Bauer.
Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.
In high school Jack Bauer was voted "Most Likely to Kill the Foreign Kid"... and "Best Eyes."
If Jack Bauer saw a terrorist reaching for a bomb to blow himself up, Jack would shoot the bomb first. Nobody steals a kill from Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer's vanity plate reads: IKIL4CTU.
It is a known fact that when Time magazine awards "The Man of Year*", there is fine print on the bottom of the cover that says, " *besides Jack Bauer."
Jack Bauer can sneeze with his eyes open.
Jack Bauer does not turn his cell on silent when he's in a movie theater.
Jack Bauer's hair isn't cut short. It's just too afraid to grow.
During the commercials, Jack Bauer calls the CSI detectives and solves their crimes.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Jack Bauer could use to kill you, including the room itself.
If Jack Bauer was on the Titanic the icebergs would have moved out of the way.
One time when Jack Bauer was a kid, he invoked Section 112 Protocol overwriting his parents’ authority. He made them go to their rooms for 2 hours. They stayed for 3.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger,
join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're *beep* dead."
When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.
Jack once shot himeself 10 times, just to prove 50 cent is a bitch. He proceeded to wrestle and aligator while talking to Chloe about schematics.
Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."
When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload
Life doesn't give Jack Bauer lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants.
Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.
...and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, "I'll take it from here."
When Special Forces raided an afghan training camp, they found an empty camp and a pirated copy of 24 Season 4.
Frank Castle a.k.a. the Punisher once saw Jack torturing a terrorist. He told him he was "to extreme" and to "take it down a notch."
Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage compartment.
The Berlin Wall fell because Jack Bauer needed to get to the other side.
Jack Bauer can break anyone and anything, but he will always break the protocol first.
Jack Bauer is the only human in the world with the ability to make Chloe O'Brien drop the personality disorder and patch him through.
No matter how or when you die, the last thing you see will be Jack Bauer.
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer *beep* hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer does not get taken prisoner. He puts himself in a disadvantageous position so as to make his next several killings more dramatic.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Jack Bauer doesn't have a firewall on his PC. He has a Bauerwall. It's basically just a JPEG of Jack Bauer. No virus has ever attacked Jack Bauer's PC. Ever.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's *beep* beef.
Most pilots need 5,000 feet of runway to land a plane. Jack Bauer needs 100 feet and a gun.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.
A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack.
Get one thing straight, the only reason that container ship is still afloat is that Jack Bauer doesn't feel like swimming all the way to China.
It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
American Idol is only popular because it has a commercial for 24.
In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the President installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border.
Jack Bauer is currently involved in a complex law suit with the California Department of Justice due to their attempt to ban Jack Bauer as an "Assault Weapon". Jack maintains he is primarily used for hunting and target shooting, and is quite safe to have around families. But statistics don't lie.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
Jack Bauer does not use doors. He makes his own.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the *beep* have you done with your life?
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's Jack *beep* ing Bauer.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: "Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day."
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.
Don't ever ask Jack Bauer what is going on. He'll explain in the car.
Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.
Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
In the 18 months where Jack Bauer was presumed dead, Tony Almeida was put in a coma, Michelle and David Palmer were killed, a major hurricane raveged the Gulf Coast, and Rob Schneider made another movie. See what happens when Bauer isn't around?
There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.
The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.
In Iraq, the U.S. military recently concluded a military offensive utilizing 200 armored ground vehicles and 50 weaponized helicopters in an intense search for terrorists called "OPERATION SWARMER" or, as Jack Bauer calls it, "casual Friday."
Jack Bauer was able to eliminate Bird Flu playing Duck Hunt.
When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."
Jack Bauer once went into a bar, and asked for a 'Jack Bauer'. He received three shots of Jack Daniel's, a shot of kerosene and four shots of tequila mixed. When seeing this, another man approached the bar and asked for a Jack Bauer. He got a 9mm round to the face.
Quentin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack Bauer. He passed. It was too violent.
There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.
There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.
One bank did a commercial with Jack Bauer in front of a vault. They haven't been robbed since.
The truth may hurt, but it doesn't hurt as much as Jack Bauer.
Jack and Dr. House are good friends. As soon as Jack kills a man, House saves him so Jack can kill him again.
Jack Bauer cut his own umbilical cord.
If O.J. ever met Jack Bauer, he'd confess.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
Jack Bauer's semen has anti-viral properties, sex with him can cure AIDS, Herpes and the common cold.
Jack Bauer saved Private Ryan.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a
gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour
torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite
color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
Jack Bauer could get off the LOST island in 24 hrs
Jack Bauer has a cat named chuck noris, because chuck noris is a p*beep*ssy
Jack Bauer does not need someone to translate for him - torture is the same in all languages.
Jack Bauer can go more than 24 hours without eating or taking a dump. If you doubt this, there is over 96 hours of video footage to back it up.
Jack Bauer can talk about fight club.
Jack Bauer died for his country and lived to tell the tale.
Children now say "Jack Bauer, I killed your wife!" into a mirror as a test of courage rather than that crappy Bloody Mary legend or whatever. Jack kills them every time.
God rested on the 7th day. Jack Bauer will be spending his 7th day working his usual triple shift without sleep. Lazy ass God.
Kiefer Sutherland drinks to forget all the terrible things Jack Bauer has done.
Jack Bauer knows who Kieser Soze is.
Jack Bauer shot the sheriff and the deputy.
Jack Bauer does not shave with a razor. A razor shaves with Jack Bauer.
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world. The only thing that can cut a diamond is another diamond... and Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer gets his mail delivered on Sunday.
Jack Bauer can smell carbon monoxide.
In the hour that Jack Bauer had a beard similar to Chuck Norris, he shot a man, cut off his head with a hacksaw, and stuffed it in a bowling bag as a souvenir.
Instead of beeping, Jack Bauer's alarm clock simply screams "We are running out of time!"
Nathan Hale had but one life to give for his country. Jack Bauer? Four and counting.
Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It only took Jack Bauer a couple of minutes. And he's done it twice.
Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down as Jill was a *bleep* terrorist.
Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world... five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!"
Jack Bauer's poker face is so good he once won a game of poker with monopoly money, an eight card from uno, a joker, a visa card, a tissue, and an iPod nano.
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