The first thing you will do in FIFA 15, depending on which club you support
Barcelona — Start
Luis Suarez and laugh defiantly at FIFA's inability to enforce their real-life punishments in their own video game.
Chelsea — Remove
Frank Lampard from Man City's roster and then cry because you know it's already too late.
Manchester United — Put
Cristiano Ronaldo back on the team and then satisfy the overwhelming urge to pleasure yourself before even playing a match (against MK Dons on the easiest difficulty setting).
Borussia Dortmund — Attempt to delete
Bayern Munich from the game.
Liverpool — Set the CPU "shot error" slider to 100 and pretend every clean sheet is the result of competent defending.
Arsenal — Score a goal with
Danny Welbeck, shout "Welbz is dat guy!" and realize that this is why you have no friends.
Real Madrid — Turn bookings off and let
Sergio Ramos and Pepe play the way they've always dreamed.
Bayern Munich — Feel bad about playing as such a great team and immediately bump up the difficulty setting. Then see how many times you can make
Manuel Neuer run the length of the pitch without losing the ball.
Atletico Madrid — Dress in all black like
Diego Simeone and try to quickly convince your roommate that you're not a goth now while the game loads.
Juventus — Check to ensure that
Andrea Pirlo's beard is accurately depicted. Later realize you've gone an entire match without pressing a button.
Tottenham — Give the captain's armband to anyone other than Younes Kaboul. Create the guy from Man v Food and give it to him if you have to.
Monaco — Immediately remember that you're a prince and you should have better things to do.
Any MLS club — Look at the player ratings and sigh.
