Jose Mourinho Pipe Bomb
Florentino Perez while you lay there hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this because before I leave here in 3 weeks, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest. I don't hate you, Florentino, I don't even dislike you. I do like you; I like you a hell lot more than I like most people at the club. I hate this idea that Real Madrid are the best...because you're not. I'm the best. I'm the best in the world. There's one thing that you're better at than I am, and that's kissing Sepp Blatter's ass. You're as good at kissing Sepp's ass as Pep Guardiola was. I don't know if you're as good as Ferguson though—he's a pretty good ass-kisser, always was and still is. [Turns to camera and waves] Whoops, I'm breaking the fourth wall.
I am the best manager in the world. I've been the best ever since I walked into Chelsea, and I've been vilified and hated since that day because Peter Kenyon saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That's right, I'm a Peter Kenyon guy. You know who else was a Peter Kenyon guy? Guus Hiddink, and he split just like I'm splitting, but the biggest difference between me and Guus is I'm going to leave with more money.
I've grabbed so many of Sepp Blatter's imaginary brass rings that it's finally dawned on me that they're just that—they're completely imaginary. The only thing that's real is me, and the fact that day in and day out, for almost 10 years, I've proved to everybody in the world that I'm the best on this touch line, in that dressing room , even at commentary! Nobody can touch me! And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I'm not on your lovely little collector cups, I'm not on the cover of the program, I'm barely promoted, I don't get to be in movies, I'm certainly not on any crappy show on ESPN I'm not on the poster of the team line up I'm not on the signature that's shown before a game I'm not on ESPN I'm not on Sky Sports, but the fact of the matter is I should be; and trust me, this isn't sour grapes, but the fact that Alex is celebrated as the best of all time and I'm not makes me sick!
[Turns to the fans] Oh, hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just the biggest part of me leaving as anything else, because you're the ones that are sipping out of those collector cups right now; you're the ones that buy those programs that my face isn't on the cover of, and then at 5:00 in the morning at the airport, you try and shove it in my face so you can get an autograph and try to sell it on eBay because you're too lazy to go get a real job!
I'm leaving Real Madrid on July 17, and hell, who knows? Maybe I'll go manage Man United. Maybe I'll go back to Chelsea. [Waves to camera] Hey, Frank Lampard how you doing? The reason I'm leaving is you people because after I'm gone, you're still gonna pour money into this club.. I'm just a spoke on the wheel, the wheel's gonna keep turning and I understand that. But Florentino Perez is gonna make money despite himself. He's a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why he's not a billionaire? It's 'cause he surrounds himself with glad-handing, nonsensical douchebag yes-men like Michele Platini who's gonna tell him everything that he wants to hear. And I'd like to think that maybe this club will be better after Florentino Perez is dead, but the fact is it's gonna get taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law and the rest of his stupid family! Let me tell you a personal story about Florentino Perez. All right. We're doing this whole kick racism out of football campaign...[The mic cuts off]
). Треба да го трган од мејн евентот и да ги видиме Брок, Брајан, Ортон, Шејмуз и Хенри за титулата.
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