It's been whole week till now. And I'm afraid to fall asleep. I don't want to see you again in my dreams. I can't take it anymore. I'm on a verge of nervous breakdown.
Tonight, it was everything like the old times, the same old parking lot, the same old faces. Everyone was there. But you weren't.
You weren't there so we could've make everyone laugh like always. I still remember the times when we were hiding from them so we can be alone for one hour, and than our phones would just keep ringing till we turned them off. I still remember the night when i tried to teach you to dance valz there on the parking lot, while everyone laughed their asses off..I still remember when i punched your belly so hard, and you couldn't take a breath for almost 2-3 min. I remember the day when you said you were impressed of how i handle the whole situation and how you were so proud of me.
I remember the night when all of this started, there, on the same parking lot... When I cracked open, and told you everything, even tough you were a total stranger. How you managed to force me, to open myself, i don't know...I also remember, 'that' day, you know... Then you asked me if i'll still love you as i did till then.. So I still remember the night when you told me you weren't sure in your feelings anymore.
I still remember the night when I told you that it is over.I still remember that valentine's day, when instead with her, you spent it with me, crying in the bed until we dried out our eyes..I still remember that night when you called me, and you said that you can't keep living anymore. I can still feel the snowflakes, freezing my face, as i was running to stop you. I still remember that night when i gave you my armband glove, and just a week ago i saw you wearing it while you was with her. I still remember when you said that you want me near you no matter what. I still remember when you introduced me to her... And I remember those nights, we spent, only talking, about us, about our lives, 'bout the world, the society.. like best friends talking to each other while drinking their usual coffee.. I remember all the times you made me cry, like i remember every fucking time i made you cry, and man, there were a lot of times like that.. I remember the day when you told me i was only a follower, i remember like it was yesterday, 'cause now I know how wrong you were. And i remember how the smile on your face slowly vanished...Now you are just a ghost. Ghost, who just keeps running in my dreams. A sad man whose life has been sucked out from his heart. A sad desperate selfish man left all alone.
I just don't get it. I thought everything was over. Maybe it is. Maybe this is just a moment of loneliness.. Maybe it's the pms. But tonight i'm thinking of you. Do you think of me too? I know you do. I know every now and then when you are with her, I cross your mind, and remind you of the times you were alive...
p.s. I don't love you anymore. I love the old you. But the old you is nowhere to be found.
