Вицеви на англиски (или друг јазик) - тука!

P

PewDiePie

Гостин
What do you do when you see niggers hanging in your front yard?
- Nothing, just hang them in the back!

What do you do when you see a nigger with only one leg?
- Stop laughing and reload!


 
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Зашто пиеш? Нали доктор'т ти забрани?
- А, оправих се. Дадох му бакшиш и тој ми разреши
 
V

Vollstandig

Гостин
Тема: Вицеви на англиски (или друг јазик)


:333 الكم افضل النكت التي اعجبتني ارجو ان تنال اعجابكم:-
محشش متعرف على وحدة قعد سنة يحاول فيها انها تطلع معاه يوم وافقت وداها الهيئة.
حوطي ما يعرف يمون تعرّف على أمير سأله كم عمرك قال 42 .. رد : نفس مقاس جزمتي طال عمرك .
فيه واحد محشش ...مسكوه الشرطه سالوه ليش عيونك حمر؟قال:ابد شارب شاني وانا منسدح .
محشش عصبي وجعه ضرسه راح للدكتور وقال له اقلع كل ضروسي وخله زي الكـلب لحاله .
محشش قفل المفتاح علي سيارته فتحوه له بعلا قه ملابس سوي نسخه للعلاقه .
محشش شرى جوال عطاه اخوه ليش........... يقول اكتب رساله خطي ماهو حلو .
مره فار قاعد يسحب في اسد ميت من ذيله في الغابه والفار قاعد يشوت في الاسد الميت ويقول انا اذا عصبت ترى ما ارحم .
حوطي عنده ست شياطين اثنين يسوسون له واربعه يفهمونه .
فيه محششين جالسين في خيمة قالوا نبغا كبريت راح واحد منهم قال انا اجيبلكم طلع ودخل مع الباب الثاني قال شباب ماعندكم كبريتة قالو استرح تونا مرسلين واحد بيجي ونعطيكم .
محشش صدم وحده بالسياره قالتله انت ماشفتنى قال الا بس مدرى وين؟؟ هههههههههههههه .
 
P

PewDiePie

Гостин
A Greek and an Italian were debating who had the superior culture.

The Greek said, "We have the Parthenon."
The Italian replied, "We have the Colosseum."
The Greek then said, "We had great Mathematicians."
The Italian replied, "We had the Roman Empire."

...and so on and so on ...until finally the Greek said: "We invented sex."



"Ahhhh" said the Italian, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women...


 
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Мамо, дај ми сок!
- Докато не си изјадеш супата, нјама да ти дам!
- Но мамо, дај сок!!
- Нјама!
- Мамо, не мога да си изпија ракијата без разредител
 
P

PewDiePie

Гостин
What a woman says...

This place is a mess! C'mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
You'll have no clothes to wear if we
don't do laundry right now!

What a man hears...

blah blah blah blah blah C'MON!
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!
blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah
blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!


 
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Един пијан т'рси нешто под една улична лампа. Спира се до него полицај и го пита:
- Какво т'рсите тук гражданино?
- 10 лева! – отговорил му тој.
- Е, каде ги изгубихте? – попитал полицајат.
- Еј под онаја бреза! – отговорил му тој.
- Е, зашто ги т'рсите тук? – попитал пак полицајат.
- Заштото, тук е по светло! – отговорил му пијанијат
 
P

PewDiePie

Гостин
Du you like fish sticks ? Do you like to put fish sticks in your mouth ? What are you a gay fish ?


 

@cool@

Η Μακεδονία δεν είναι Ελληνική
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Izlazi muz iz kupaonice i pocne maziti zenu. Ona kao i uvek kaze:

- "Nemoj dragi, boli me glava !!!"
- "Nema problema draga" - kaze muz "bas sam ga napudrao aspirinom,
pa mozes birati hoces li ga uzeti oralno ili kao cepic !!!"
 
P

PewDiePie

Гостин
* YESTERDAY NEWS: A nun jogging in the park was raped.
TODAY'S NEWS: Hundreds of nuns are jogging in the park!


 

@cool@

Η Μακεδονία δεν είναι Ελληνική
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A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.

She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw
her and began calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.

While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her.

"I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.

And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived
in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I travelled all around
the world.

We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and
hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

"Czechoslovakia."

Moral of the story:


Never make a woman angry... There will be HELL to pay for later!
 
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A German goes to visit Paris in France.
At the airport he is being asked by an Officer:
"Occupation?"
The German says: "No, just visiting"
 
P

PewDiePie

Гостин
A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle."


 
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Жан Клод Ван Дам се напил. Влјаз'л в един двор и с'борил кофата за боклук. Излиза стопанин'т на прозореца и пита:
- Кој е там?
- Жан Клод Ван Дам – отговарја пијанијат.
- Ако излјаза и четиримата ште ви застрелјам
 

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