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http://opiumofthepeople.net/
Paul Gray is... For me Paul is one of the most special people in my life. At the begining I would like to say that by writing about Paul in the present tense I do not mean to disrespect or offend anybody. The thing is that cannot think of Paul as of somebody who "was." I think of him as of somebody who still "is", and always will be here, I'm never gonna forget anybody from the band, I'm never gonna forget Paul, he is and always will be in my heart, in my mind. I would like to send my thoughts and prayers to Brenna and their unborn child, to Paul's brother and the whole Gray family, and of course to the whole Slipknot family.
I cannot imagine myself how the closest people to Paul feel right now. We've all read and watched many interviews with Paul, read his myspace blogs. We all know that Paul is a fanstastic, irreplecable person.
I [Opium] cannot even express... there are no words which could describe how much pain I feel. Paul Gray is one of the Slipknot brothers, Slipknot is 9 people, and that will never change. It's gonna be #0, #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, and #8 for ever.
Through all the bullshit, my life was a dream. Until May 24th, 2010. After that... it's just not a dream anymore. I feel like I've lost a huge part of my life.
It's impossible for words to discribe to those who do not know... It's impossible to explain it to people who never been there...
I'd tear my heart out just to go back. You do not even realize how much I'd give away just to be back there, go back there to change it all.
I think it's easier for me to express my thoughts with the following lyrics from Slipknot's songs.
The start of the Journey is every bit worth it, I can't let you down anymore
The sky is still clearing - we're never afraid and the consequence opens the door
I've never stopped trying, I've never stopped feeling like family is much more than blood
Don't go on without me - the piece that I represent compliments each and every one
My last true confession will open your eyes, I've never known trust like The Nine
Let it be spoken, let it be screamed, they'll never ever take us alive
'Til We Die... 'Til We Die...
We won't be forgotten, we'll never give in. This war we've acheived has allowed us to win
Carry on... Carry on...
We'll never be broken, we won't be denied,
Our war is the pressure we need to unite
We'll never be broken, we won't be denied,
Our war is the pressure we need to unite
'Til We Die... 'Til We Die...
"'Til We Die" - Slipknot
Follow me... I've come so far, I'm behind again... Follow me... I Wish so hard, I'm there again
All that I wanted were things I had before... All that I needed, I never needed more
All of my questions are answers to my sins... And all of my endings are waiting to begin
Follow me... I've seen so much I'm blind again... Follow me... I feel so bad I'm alive again
Follow me...
"Circle" - Slipknot
That place in my mind Is that space that you call mine
That place in my mind Is that space that you call mine
Where have I been all this time? Lost, enslaved, fatal decline.
I've been waiting for this to fold, But the pieces are only as good as the whole!
I sever myself from my whole life, I cut out the only thing that was right!
What if I never saw you again? I'd die right next to you in the end.
I won't let you walk away... Without hearing what I have to say
"Danger - Keep Away" - Slipknot
Slipknot is... I can totally agree with Clown that "Slipknot is way of life," it's definitely something more than just a band. I had the opportunity to see Slipknot perfom live twice back in 2009. 2 shows... 3 hours of God. After that nothing was the same again. Those were the best moments of my life. It's hard to describe, but that experience has definitely made me look at life in a differnt way.
I received a number of emails, in which you've asked me why didn't I post a piece of news about Paul Gray earlier. And the reason for that is... well, I just don't believe that has happened. I think I'm slowly starting to realize what's happened, I think I'm slowly starting to see that there's no going back. I'm so devastated right now, and it all still seems unreal. Today (May 31, 2010) I finally opened this Paul Gray memorial page. As long as I'm going to remember him, he always will be here with me, with us all. I want to remember, I never want to forget. I never want to forget.
I haven't slept the other night after I heard about Paul. Yesterday I slept for a while, I'm really tired and lost, so if there's some mistakes here, then please excuse me.
I don't know anything anymore. Right now I'm like... hell, here's some more lyrics, I guess I won't come up with anything better now. The following lyrics are not from a Slipknot song, but I believe the one who wrote them really meant it, I think they're real, and that they can help understand...
"And fuck the world cause I'm cursed, I'm havin visions of leavin here in a hearse, can you feel me?
Take me away from all the pressure, and all the pain... Show me some happiness again, I'm goin blind, I spend my time in this cell, ain't livin well
I know my destiny is Hell, where did I fail? My life is in denial, and when I die, baptized in eternal fire I'll shed so many tears
I suffered through the years, and shed so many tears.. I lost so many peers, and shed so many tears
Now I'm lost and I'm weary, I'm suicidal, so don't stand near me
My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death, now there's nothin left
I couldn't rest, I'm barely standin, bout to go to pieces, screamin peace
And though my soul was deleted, I couldn't see it... I had my mind full of demons tryin to break free
No memories, just a misery... Will I survive til the mo'nin, to see the sun
I shed so many tears..."
Now the present is obsolete. Will I find a way, When All Hope Is Gone? I don't know. Paul, you're the best fucking' songwriter out there, man. No one will ever be as insane as you.
OpiumofthePeople.net was the last 3+ years of my life. And I think it was worth it. It was all for Slipknot... "All our lives, all we ever sacrificed has paid."
Will I continue OpiumofthePeople.net? I don't know, man. I'm the anguished man right now.
Paul is the person who keeps the band together, is one of the greatest musicians out there. For me Paul Gray is, and will always be #2 of Slipknot.
"We were ready for anything... but this. You are not gone, we keep you here inside us. You are not gone, we know you're still beside us...
Everybody says the light that shines the brightest burns out fast, But what they never say is all the light they give us lasts
We hold the memories and cherish everyday we had, But we would give it up in a second just to have you back..."
I hope that not only people who have met Paul have their memories, special Slipknot and Paul Gray moments. I can only speak for myself, but I think that everyone will remember Paul as one of the 'Knot, a person who does not hide behind the mask, they will remember Paul a person who shares his thoughts, creates maganificent art and helps us remember what it's all about.
It's all about staying true to yourself... I hope Paul is now in a place where he found peace, where he knows everything and sees everything. I'm sure he knows how important he was for me, for his brothers from Slipknot, for his family and friends and everyone who cared about him.
Everything has its beginning, and everything has its end. Right now it seems like forever, but in the long run, it will be no time when we all meet together with Paul. I cannot wait for that day. But until then I'm gonna try to do the best thing, and always will have Slipknot, you know...
It wasn't supposed to end this way.
That's how I feel, man. These are my thoughts. I'm just happy that Paul knows. I know he does.