Heavy Metal:D

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Heavy metal



A typical "metal fan". Heavy metal poisoning can, in severe cases, lead to extreme schizophrenia. It can also cause the patient to grow disproportionally long hair, and spikes on certain locations, but this has not yet happened to the patient depicted here.

Heavy metal * is the 666th element in the periodic table. Heavy metal is the heaviest of the metals, even heavier than rocks. It was discovered in 1964 by the German physicist Lucifer, who sold the rights to the discovery to King Diamond in exchange for his soul. It was not until the industrial revolution of the 1970's that it became important as the primary ingredient in the manufacture of Lead Zeppelins. Coincidentally, when the revolution died down in the 1980's another technique in Heavy Metal handling was found. This new way to handle Heavy Metal gave astounding results creating a wide range of products, products like : A musical version of Judas' followers and a brand new torture device which actually gave enjoyment to the victim.

Heavy metal is often blamed for heavy metal poisoning, which can lead to suicidal tendencies in teenagers. It is also a source of headbanging.


Origin

Diametrically opposing energies in self-sealed plasmadermic bubbles...they make great pets!

The origin of heavy metal is a result of another element, Hendrixium. This element is known for having high power and rocking hard, but it has an incredibly short Half Life. Scientists attempted to synthesize this element for use in electric guitars, thus creating heavy metal.

Manufacturing of this element is dangerous and is best done in experienced professional labs, such as the Metallica Engineering Laboratory. Attempts by amateurs to create this element often result in death, loud noise, and demonic possession.

If you combine these elements it is possible to fly a maximum of 3 feet high.

After all, we all admit that the Heavy and all kind of Metals grew up from the back alleys of Camden Street in London... But we can't deny the true Heavy-Fucken-Metal Fans, and Metalhoods roots'bloody'roots that we formed and are located in Lebanon! All Hail to all Lebanese MetalHeads...! Oy Oy! \m/ And then we all fuck all night to the sound of "... And Justice For All"!

Since the discovery of Heavy Metal, several other elements have been synthesized:
 
Isotopes

1 - Iron Maidenium: A base element of all heavy metals. Used in just about everything. (A band by the same name was turned into a zombie named Eddie by overexposure to this element. Always use caution when handling. Proper care will result in excellent vocals and harmonized guitar solos.)

4:Panterium: Creates bleeding ears with high pitch squeal at loud volumes and the drunken blur of a drunken blur can be heard beneath the squeals. Is believed to be be responsible for the Vulgar Southern Trendkill and Reinventing The Cowboys From Hell. After it's half life ends, Nu Metallium forms.

18/9: King Diamondium, also formed early as Mercyful Fateum, originated in a mansion in sorrow on Never Ending Hill in 1777, often thought to be a precursor to Black Metallium, and derived partly from Alice Cooperum. The most evil of all metals, this element has caused black horsemen attending dangerous meetings to easily fall and break their necks, be stricken by the curse of the Pharaohs or recieve a visit from the dead. At the sound of the demon bell, this metal will make everything burn to hell. Emits a high-pitched screeching noise when nailed with seven silver spikes.

19: Hendrixium - Outfitted with a heavy electron shell, this element is one of the foundations for Heavy Metal to be synthesized. Also the origin of all metals. It rocks as much as anything, when in pure form. Although, it's pretty light, actually so light it makes you fly if exposed to it. It also has been extincted in it's pure essence.

82: Lead. If you don't believe this is heavy metal, try carrying it in your backpack.

67- Doomuim Oxide - one of the slowest and heaviest of the metals, it will often cause Pentagrams to be hung at a Candlemass, often times in a a dark and gloomy Cathedral. Related to N.I.B., very few scientists have chosen to experiment with this matter or unleash its sludge-like base to many. Those who have been affected by Doomium Oxide will often find themselves attracted to marijuana or any other psychedelic drugs.

665 - Megadethium: Megadethium is related to thrashium, but as time goes on it will change and become more stable but will cause severe nerve injuries. Megadethium is best used when around 1 to 5 years. After that it becomes too stable to do any damage at all, and has been known to Rust in Peace, cause Holy Wars, and set the world afire. Attempts to make new Megadethium have been successful but it has not been nearly the quality of that produced in 1985. Megadethium can be found near Devils Island and Hangar 18.

666-N.I.B. - Black Sabbathium - The purest form of Heavy Metal alloys and elements. This element takes shapes naturally in the form of pentagrams, and alloys well. When mixed with Iron (Fe) it can be bonded to human flesh to produce a sort of iron-men. Not suitable for heavy industrial usage in its deozzyfied form. Though when mixed with Diocyte, it creates two powerful metals called Heaviside and Hellium (Not to be confused with Helium). Mixed with Gillium will make it go inactive. Martium will cause a violent chain reaction that will split the atom and thus destroying the element.

667: Black Gothium - Sometimes found in a pasty white colour. Emits a high pitched whiny noise. Found in volcanic formations in Norway and in some English crack dens. An addict to the drug, who became pregnant while under a black gothium-caused stupor, said that "I feel terrified to think that I'm going to have this child in nine months, and I don't know who the father is. He must be a horrible, FILTHY man!"

668: Thrash metalium - Very unstable. Capable of spreading Anthrax over thousands of miles and slaying enemies with great efficiency. It was also once rumored that in biblical times, they used this metal Exodus to bring forth the testament. Prolonged exposure may kreate overkill. Thrash metallium found wide usage in the Eighties when stores of purified heavy metal were converted into hair metallium and thrash metallium. These stores broke down in the mid '90s, though remnants of them can still be found in abandoned mosh pits.

669: Industrial Metallium - Discovered in Germany by radiologist Till Lindemann. More stable than thrashium, but not by much. It is the cornerstone of the "ministry", who use it to create weapons of mass distraction deep within the Fear Factory.

670: Death Metallium - considered the "heaviest" of heavy metals, it can react violently to produce both a low growling sound, and a high pitched screech, similar to black gothium, but much more grating. This metal is pure glistening black in color, and can be used to create indestructible corpsegrinders and bolt throwers. If it comes into contact with a dead body it will create a Cannibal Corpse, and instances of Deicide have occurred. Via long and excessive grinding, the metal's atomic cores it can be refined to Grindcore, such a heavier metal (1337) that it turns in a splattering mess 4 seconds after formation due to the extreme forces of gravity and taste. Suffocation, anaal nathrakhs, and behemoth wounds are often symptoms of radiation.

671: New Wave of British Heavy Metallium - deep purple in colour. Discovered at night, on a Saturday, in jolly ol' England. Iron Maidenium, Helloweenium, and Def Lepardium derive from this form.

672: Hair Metallium - An extremely hot metal, and an aphrodisiac so comically potent that women have been known to administer oral sex after merely looking at the damn thing. Unlike other forms of metal, this one draws (or drew) quality women, and lots of them, coming in motley crews carrying guns and roses. And they made love all day long , just to be left in skid rows later.

674: Sepulturium - A heavy metal only found in Brazil, discovered Beneath the Remains by extremely good lyricist Max Cavalera. Known to be extremely deadly in it's first four stages. After it Arises, it is completely useless. Often causes Schizophrenia and Morbid Visions.

675: Steppenwolfium - Usually found in the area of Sturgis, North Dakota. People who come here use this for the feeling of being "born to be wild".

678: Slipknotium - Has a vermilion color, similar to color of blood. Can only be found by cutting the wrists of Mall Goths and lead singers with a name like Corey. Emits an extremely bad stench.

680.5: Neo Metallium - What can we say? It's liquid and tastes of Corn. Oh sorry,Korn.

691.6: Nu Metallium - A posing metal related vaguely to Neo Metallium. Was discovered by the Knightly Order of Righteous N00bs, or K.O.R.N. for short.

691.2 Mall Metalium: A variety of Nu and Neo Metal Elements, it was created when a fashion kid in Texas (who had Paris Hilton posters in his room. And she was not naked) inhaled a great amount of Teen Spirit. After that, Aliens reported seeing the same person going every day to the mall to buy (or steal) more Teen Spirit Ultra N00B Version for Members of K.O.R.N. . Ironically enough, the kid was seeing with a K.O.R.N. deodorant shirt and a Slippednote pant. It is said that other elements of Metal react in a bad way to this elements, causing explosions and destroying buildings.

699: Glamium - A common substance in L.A. in the 1980's. Found by flamboyant chemist Gene Simmons, using his tongue of doom to coax it out of a hole.

700: Progressive Metallium - found recently but yet it only confuses the scientists, because a piece of Progressive Metallicum begins somewhere and ends somewhere else, but it's multi-dimensional and can't be examined or measured in any way. "What kind of imagination asleep in some lyrical coma who's vain futile memory could have been so wrong?" comments Charlie Dominicheese , from the University of Ham and Paste, San Francisco, California. Experimenting with progressive metallium has be known to cause many unusual side effects. Known effects include, but are not limited to: extreme hair growth, high pitched voice (especially in butch looking males), feeling the need to play unfamiliar instruments, playing unfamiliar instruments for the first time during a live performance, playing instruments with the wrong body part and using unusual objects as instruments. One such victim of these side effects is Claudio Sanchez, front man of Coheed and Cambria. since his experimentation with progressive metallium he has suffered from high voice pitch and an extreme growth of hair, he went from a beautiful bald man to sporting one of the hugest known afros ever owned by a white man.

765.4: Metallium Gothenburgium - discovered in the early nineties, has gained popularity in recent years, and is fast overtaking many of its cousins as the primary active ingredient in M.O.S.H cores, a vital componant of modern Nucular Weapons. It was confirmed that extreme expositions might set people in flames. This Heavy Metal is very expensive as it took years of Soilwork to get it. Has been known to put users in a state of dark tranquillity, causing severe cases of insomnium and nightrage to occur. Mixing with Black Gothium may result in disarmonia mundi.

An unfortunate victim of PNB Metallum poisoning

767.555: Dragon Metal - The most sound-like of all of the Heavy Metals. Comes from a mixture between Speed Metallium, and Power Metallium. Recently created, the power of this element has yet to be fully tapped, causing some to say it is the limitless power source that fuels Dragonforce. The force has been synthetically created by many corporations in hopes of wowing the money out of ozzfesters.

775.865: Emonium Crytrate - This form of heavy metal is so hugely degraded from pure heavy metal that some scientists and a few others as well do not even consider it a metal at all. It is known for emitting high levels of an unconventional radiation in high concentrations, which seem to affect only young males and manifest in a miserable mood comparable to that of lead poisoning, and unexplained wrist lacerations (due to the radiation, the colloquiallism used to refer to sufferers of emonium crytrate poisoning is "Fallout Boy"). Despite these obvious and well-known dangers, use of the metal as a drug is on the rise (going under the street name "fugazi"), primarily in a club setting (or sometimes as an aphrodisiac), as it tends to cause a panic at the disco more readily than alcohol or kitten huffing ever could. The Department of Boringness has launched a campaign to combat use of the drug, using the slogans: "You might think it's just a bit of fun, but watch out - it could be the start of an addictive Chemical Romance," or the more simplistic: "On Wednesday, you had a party with drugs. On Thursday, you had a Funeral for a Friend."
 
782.69: Power Metallium - A lighter, shinier isotope of the element, power metallium may by safely projected at extreme speeds and still retain its stability. Rumor has it that knights from the Eighties discovered the metal on Halloween when a knight decided it was a good idea to crawl into and squirm around the open wounds of a slain dragon while wearing full armor, which synthesized with the dragon's blood n' stuff to form power metallium. The blind guardians and men o' war were the ones who first put the metal to good use. Hansi Kursch, a blind guardian, is one of the most creative users, having inlaid several power metallium ingots into his vocal cords. Herman Li's guitar has a whammy bar and humbuckers made out of power metallium of unheard-of purity. Timo Tolkki managed to harness the power of Power Metallium more first. His secret has never been discovered, and to this day, remains the ultimate user of Power Metallium.

Power Metallium seems to have progressed from earlier isotopes such as Iron Maidenium, Rainbowium, Helloweenium, Judas Priestium and others. Chemically, it is similar in composition to Progressive Metallium and Thrash Metallium, and has, on occasion, been found mixed with them. It is a well known fact that power metal is simply a colloquialism for power metallium, though it is unknown how exactly Albert Einstein managed to synthesize it without the use of other metallium isotopes. No wait here it is

846: Symphonic Metallium - Loosely related to and often found alloyed with power metal and progressive metal, Symhponic Metallium is known to megnetically attract opera singers and orchestras when electrified. It has also been reported that Symphonic Metallium repels Nu Metallium and Slipknotium at unsafe speeds, to the point that all owners of Nu Metallium and Slipknotium often evacuate their homes and get to a safe distance whenever a Symphonic Metallium owner is in the area. It is incredibly dramatic and this can lead to the input of String sections into the previously untainted metals. In stark contrast to this, however, are those addicted to it as a drug, known for their white faces, poor spelling and constant hunger. These traits were popularized in the parody film "Emperor", when the protagonist scribbled on a piece of paper: "Feuckitt mannn, i wont a bjige goddimmu borgir!" (Translation: Fuck it man, I want a big goddamn burger."

666.666: Pure Norsk Black Metallium - Element created from the blasphemy of 1000 crying angels and was concocted by the great devil, Satan. Blood, and the souls of many virgins could be extracted through many complicated mechanisms and processes, which involve the process of a neo-nazi-hippy-carnivorous-nudist cock summoning dance ritual. Certain people may experience poisoning from this metal and have become addicted to it. Symptoms are somewhat simillar to heavy metal poisoning but the metal introduces a few more extremities such as the tendency to commit Church arson and grow strange skin abnormalities. Only bands that are tr00 are allowed to be called Pure Norsk Black Metal, also known as Holocaust Metal or Norsk Aryan Metal. Are you tr00? Of course not! But Gaahl is, and he is coming to rape you for not being tr00.

1000: Acoustic Black Metallium - The grimmest of all metals. It was forged in a very very very very very very very frostbitten mountain in the center of Norway by the great Necrowizard, the keeper of all things grim and frostbitten. It is far more grim and metal than even Pure Norsk Black Metallium, because it was created by the grim and frostbitten Seth Putnam. Acoustic Black Metallium can often be inverted, and is mainly used for poser extermination.

1337: Grindcore - a refined version of Death Metallium. Was created over in England in 1982. Incredibly hard and strong in nature, it is mainly used in the production of terrorizers, pig destroyers, and extreme noise terrors. Misuse will result in constant extreme noise terror, heinous killings, a spate of napalm deaths, and Staircase Abortions. Oftentimes it can cause a sore throat.

1337.846662239587: Goregrindium - this is an incredibly heavy and unstable isotope of the Grindcore metal (1337). It was discovered back in 1987 by high-power quantum chemist Bill Steer, in an attempt to create an evil carcass army. This metal, upon formation, is so unstable that it emits an ultra-low gurgling sound and explodes, turning into a scalding hot red-colored goop that continues to emit a low gurgling sound until its 24 second half-life expires.

1987AFD: Gunsenrosium - one of the hardest metals known to man, it was synthesized on the axle of a 1985 Nissan Slash with copius amounts of Dufizzadlerium and a small amount of plaid. It was invented by Nikola "Thin" Lizzy and Fredrich "the Queen" Mercury. It had a half life of 5 years and unfortunately, the only sample self destructed in 1996, leaving only Axlthium, Weneedscottweilandineightyearsium, and Fakereleasedateium.

-7: Ultranium - the primary component of adamantium, so named for Adam Ant, due to its strength. Adamantium was the metal used to compose the skeleton of Wolverine and Skeletor. Jesus did not approve of the invention of this metal. Jesus has not heard, nor does he approve this message.

1984: New Wave of Ingsoc Heavy Metal - Use Newspeak songwrite , Minitrue approved Doubleplusgood Prolefeed...

2000: Metallicanium - Extremely powerful in the first four stages, this metal decays over time after the 5th stage , eventualy turning into carbon. In its fourth stage, it gradually fades to black. It is used to produce puppets and sandmen (manufactured by Downey, California-based company Damage, Inc.), the latter of which however only one was created, which is sad but true. Still, though, it's better than you. The fact that might make people feel whiplashed, is that it will never stop, it will never quit, because it's Metallicanium. It was first synthesized by chemist Dr. Larsiandus Ulrichson, who currently resides in the house that Jack built. If you are the owner of a metallicanium mine, you might end up king nothing one day. If you are a current owner, hit the lights on the operation! If not, many metalheads will kill 'em all. When mining, trucks have to load and reload constantly as metallicanium is about as heavy as st. anger. It's a dangerous occupation, as it requires many years of living shit, binging and purging to be a metallicanium miner. The metal may fade to black as it ends its half-life. Many miners are encouraged to mine during storms as they might get a once in a lifetime chance to ride the lightning as lightning is attracted to this element. Later stages, which are not yet know, could cause Flood of Vomit and/or return to the first four stages.

2008: Avant-Garde Metallnium - Discovered by physicist Mike Patton. Not much known, except that it is used in the production of Fantomas. More info supposed to be found soon, as the isotope is on the brink of the future, but, by definition, will always be on the bring of the future. It is said to come from the Third Birghtest Star in the Firmament via ways of an uneXpected meteor crash.

1997: Circus Metallum - Originally created as a result of a bungle in a laboratory. It is often used at dog fashion discos and in tub rings.

6\m/6 : Saucepan Metallium - Only one specimen of this isotope was found in lebanon). This specimen is known to be metallically angry and might begin to generate random saucepan-like sound. Excessive exposure to this metal may result in headaches and migraines.

5346. Droneasfuck Metallium - Completely derived from N.I.B., this form of heavy metal claims to be archaic in structure, but is absolutely fucked in nature. Migraines, the shits, and anal rape are constant symptoms of it. Also linked to the Poseur Movement (See TIME magazine). Often copies other elements compisition such as Saint Vitum Metallium, Earthium, and dildos.

Green: Judas Priestium - The most powerful element. Sometimes used as painkiller, high doses are highly venomous and can take you beyond the realms of death. Can be found on the lochness, but only when the night comes down. Use it carefully, or you'll be never satisfied. For greatest effect, you have to ram it down when you insert Judas Priestium into an orifice. Long-time users are known to become hell-bent for leather, though some go on a religious crusade and become defenders of the faith, or auto enthusiasts and begin work on developing faster turbos. When immersed in anti-matter, Judas Priestium is known to transform into diamonds and rust. Commonly used in the production of Harley Davidson motorcycles , as well as killing machines and jugulators. Possession of Judas Priest is breaking the law.

1349: Viking Metallium: First synthesized in a bar in Sweden during the 80's by Professor Amon of the Amarth university in Tumba, it is a moderately stable metal, and equally rare. Ensiferum Metallium is the most recently discovered form, and is touted by scientists as one of the greatest breakthroughs in heavy metal in recent years.

2371: Ambient Metallium: First discovered when two morons from Oregon decided to drone the same chord for twenty minutes. Found to be an agonist of A.G.A. (Acoustic Grater Antivariant) receptors in the brain, resulting in an AGA Lock of the auditory quality judgement centers in the organ of Corti.

666.2: HellIncinium: First discovered by a monkey called Monkey and his Associate back in 2005, is a form of Metal created when you smoke bananas and hit your head in the wall. No need for instruments... Its All In Your Head.

991919.2: Shadow The Hedgehogium: All of Shadow's bullets are made of these, and the Song I am ( all of me plays when they are shot. They are almost as sexy as Lindsay Lohan

776: Love Metallium: The most gaynique element. First created when self-loving Ville Valo's mirror broke and the pieces fell into a jar of anal lube that belonged to Bam Margera, this element is not actually Heavy Metal and is composed mainly of glass; the only Metal in it is microscopic fragments of the frame of the broken mirror. This element has been known to be the most different from all other elements, as there is only one band that could play it and not be confused for "Emoium", however there is a large amount of Pseudo-Gothium, a related element, evidenced by Ville Valo's followers wearing of pendants in the form of a Heartagram made from the melted Love Metallium.

777: Metalcorium: This form of heavy metal is formed when the atomic "core" of pure heavy metal Converges with an element known as trivium, commonly found in the semen of sheep belonging to weird-looking holy folk, or Lambs of God. This element was created accidentally, when an unemployed farmer with extreme Suicidal Tendencies had made a murder-suicide pact with his Valentine; but being unemployed and consequently poor, could not afford any Bullets with which to complete the act. Seeking a Job fit for a Cowboy, he reported to a local farmer begging him for an occupation of some kind. To illustrate how useful he would be on the farm, he offered to manually masturbate a nearby sheep for purposes of artificial insemination and produced massive quantities of trivium in the process. Unfortunately, the force of the Escape of the semen, unPlanned for, killed the poor sheep (named Dillinger), and the farmer, enraged, fired at the young boy, but missed, striking the pile of sheep semen on the ground. As the bullets were made of pure heavy metal, so metalcorium was formed. Out of ammo, the farmer nonetheless Avenged himself by kicking the boy in the nuts Sevenfold, giving him a high-pitched, whiny voice.

13: Ozzium: An extremely deadly alloy created from separating members of the metal Black Sabbathium and combining it with BLS (Black Label Societium). It is extremely dangerous to small creatures such as birds or bats. It is also capable of inhaling ants and other insects through nostril-like pores on it's surface. This metal will excrete liquids when put on national monuments such as the Alamo. Any contact with Ozzium is extremely encouraged, and praised.

62: Bodomite: A common metal that is found in the northern european regions of the world, commonly in Finland. This is very appreciated metal amongsts the Finnish and other various Scandinavian countries. It comes from the roots of slayerium and is one of the most poisonous and addicting types of metal known to man kind.
 
78: Epic Metallium: Originally founded by Scientist Dr.Frank Zappa, Epic Metallium is one of the most longest metals in the world. Epic Metallium can be drawn out for a very long time, its usually drawn out for at least 10-20 minutes sometimes longer. Epic Metallium is very similar to progressive metallium, usually created in the pink Floyd labritories in Cambridge,England with docters: Dr.Nick Mason, Dr.Syd Barrett, Dr.David Gilmour, Dr.Roger Waters and Dr.Richard Wright.Another lab is the G3 lab With docters: Dr.Steve Vai and Dr.Joe Satriani, with added help from Docters: Dr.John Petrucci, Dr.Eric Johnson, Dr.Yngwie Malmsteen, Dr.Robert Fripp and assistant Billy Sheehan, among many others. Epic Metallium is very rear and must be handled by professionals because trying to handle this metal is very hard and misuse can lead to you looking like a dickhead

9098: Rammsteinium: Found after a awesome plane crash, just touching this orange offshoot of industial metallium cuases you to catch on fire and speak german , then die while being trampled by naked men.

6667: Lordium: One Must maintain very careful mantainence of this metal because one wrong thing could cause the Arocolypse. Lordium is found in the country of Finland. Handling this metal could cause people to "Get Heavy" and even make Deadite girls go wild.Excessive use can cause a "beast loose in paradise" and even spawn the "blood red sand man"
od uncyclopedia

lol malce podolg postov:D
 
Научна пародија, објаснување на бендовите и жанровите (јес да се некои измислени у функција на хуморот)... лоол
 
Од сите павци по еден бенд да земеш да слушаш имаш музика за наредни 10 години по нормални стандарди...иначе за темата хаха смешно, али не толку многу.
 
Па интересна тема.. Првите 20 минути од читањето .. .Даље мрза ме пука да читам .. :)
 
vo statijata za Dream Theater vika deka John Petrucci mozel da svirit 50 kataljoni noti vo sekunda a deka tapanarot imal 200 deloj na tapanot i mozel da gi mava site od ednas. inace pisuva i deka site clenovi na DT bile Isus vo nekoj del od zivotot.
lol kolku e nezdravo ona uncyclopedia. ima i makedonsko mk.neciklopedia.org.
 
Ја па и прочитах го... Ноооого длго :(
 
Па интересна тема.. Првите 20 минути од читањето .. .Даље мрза ме пука да читам .. :)

ХЕХЕХЕХХЕХЕХЕХХЕ Првите 20 минути,има тоолку јас не се потрудив ни први 2 минути
 
Хахахахахаха, за Blind Guardian што пишува на Uncyclopedia. :pos2:

Blind Guardian is a brutal symphonic death/polka metal band (all of whom are coincidentally blind), founded by J.R.R. Tolkien in 1348.

Останатото читајте го, сум се згазил од смеење.
 
Пред да го ставиш постов си требал да пишеш перница и едно ќебенце за пред пц да си земеме... !! :vozbud: Инакуу ми се свиѓааа... :pipi::pipi: Конечно малце да се информираме.. :smir:
 

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