Вицеви на англиски (или друг јазик) - тука!

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* Question: "what's the similarity between a good-looking,
faithful, rich
husband who
satisfies his wife sexually every night and Bin Laden?"
Answer: "BOTH CANNOT BE FOUND"
 
Whats the difference between coconut and bush?
the one is round and heavy and the other is a coconut !
 
Šta se dobije kada se ukrste Crnogorac i Japanac?
Čovek koji želi da radi, ali ne može da ustane!
 
Молитва за фрустриране на послу



Драги Боже!


Дај ми смирености да прихватим ствари које не могу променити,

храбрости да променим ствари које не могу прихватити

и мудрости да сакријем тела оних које сам данас

морао убити јер су ме распиздило.



Такодјер, помози ми да пазим ције цу прсте данас газити

јер они могу бити повезани са гузицама које ћу сутра

мозда морати љубити.



Помози ми да увек дајем 100% на послу:



12% понедјељком

23% уторком

40% средом

20% цетвртком

5% петком



Кад имам стварно лос дан

и кад ми се цини да ме сви само зеле распиздити,

помози ми да не заборавим да су

потребна цак 42 мисица да се намрсти,

а само 4 да им показем средњи прст



Амен!!!!
 
Q. Have you heard about the new 'Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?
A. They're called 'Predickamints'
 
A husband and wife were trying to set up a new password for their computer. Her husband put ‘mypenis’ and the wife fell on the ground laughing cause it said, “Error. Not long enough"
 
Q. What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar?
A. A love call.
 
М'ж иска да купи обштински апартамент. Отива в'в обштината, влиза в кабинета на чиновника , којто отговарја за обштинските имоти и п'рвото, което вижда са две табелки. На едната пише : "Не пушете", а на другата " Не взимам подкупи". М'ж'т се почудил какво да направи, но решил все пак да опита к'смета си:
- Доб'р ден. Искам да купја един обштински апартамент, но нјамам право на това. Какво може да се направи по в'проса?
Чиновник'т прибрал табелата "Не пушете" в шкафа и казал:
- Като за начало, да запалим по една цигара ...
 
Little Johnny's teacher asked, "What do you call a person who keeps on talking even when people are no longer interested?"
Little Johnny replied, "A teacher."

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Little Johnny: "No sir, not exactly. I don't have to. My mom is a good cook!"

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks he's stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, miss, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"



Santa checked into a hotel (Pearly Gates) room was happy to see a computer in his room. He decided to write a letter to his wife Preeto. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.
On the other end, somewhere in Arkansas, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. She decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.
She opened her email inbox, read the first message and fainted. Soon his son was called up by the neighbors. He saw his mother lying on the floor and the computer screen showing an open mail. He read the mail. It read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 16 May 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in. I was welcomed at Pearly Gates by beautiful angels.
I will see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Hope nothing stops you from coming here.
Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!
Love
Your Hubby
 
Циганче пита полицај:
- Чичко, колко е часа?
- Пет без десет - отговарја полицајат.
- Като стане пет, ела да ми изв'ртиш една свирка - казвало нагло цигането.
Полицајат хуква да го гони, но по п'тја срешта свој колега:
- Зашто гониш това циганче? - пита онзи.
- Ами, каза ми в пет часа да му духам и затова.
- Че то има оште 5 минути, какво си се разбрзал!?!
 
Jedan policajac poslao ženu i djecu na more i nakon tjedan dana ide da im se pridruži. Dođe u hotel i navali na ženu.
- Ma dragi, djeca su u susjednoj sobi, ne možemo to ovdje raditi.
- Imaš pravo, idemo na plažu.
Nakon pet minuta, na opustjeloj plazi u predvečerje počnu strastveno voditi ljubav. Dok su u ljubavnom zagrljaju, kraj njih se stvori policajac.
- Sram vas bilo, brzo se oblačite, ne rade se te stvari na javnom mjestu.
- Oprostite, reče muž, ovo je bio trenutak slabosti, nismo se vidjeli cijeli tjedan. Znate i ja sam policajac i bilo bi nezgodno da mi naplatite kaznu.
- U redu, vi ste kolega i vama je oprošteno, ali ovu kurvu hvatam već treći puta ovaj tjedan i kazna joj ovoga puta ne gine.
 
Sahara, podne. Jashe beduin kroz pustinju, i kamila počne da posustaje. Na sreću stizhe ovaj do oaze i tamo nađe servis za kamile.
= Moja kamila se pokvarila, shta da radim?
* Stavi je onda, iznad kanala...
Namesti beduin kamilu a serviser siđe ispod kamile sa 2 cigle, nanishani i opali kamilu po jajima. Na to kamila cikne i jurne 100 na sat!
_ Pa jesi li ti lud? Kako sad da je stignem?
* Dođi na kanal...!
 
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