Hey people, it hurts a lot talking about this, cause it's not something you thought you'd have been doing that soon.
I will talk a bit about my story and relation to his music, to finally proceed to a conclusion. Why do i do this? just because i'm human, and humans naturally needs to express their feelings, to be listened, to share stories and experiences, otherwise humanity as we know it today would be non sense.
I'm a 19 years old guy, i was never a fan of music until i hit 15 years old, i started listening music more and more often mainly because of internet, seeing how everyone talked about music while i was a total ignorant on the topic, so i started to discover and listen to music.
Rock/ProgressiveRock/Metal was what attracted me the most, bands like ACDC, Bon Jovi, Dream Theater, Imagine Dragons, Linkin Park, Papa Roach, Three Days Grace, and such. But it wasn't enough, i still wanted to discover more genres to finally find which one is the most exciting and pleasant to me.
So i went with Pop and PopRock, like Justin Bieber, OneRepublic, Good Charlotte, Panic! at the disco, Phoenix, Coldplay, etc.
Then my mind was like uhmmm, this is good, but i'm not totally feeling it, it's not really making me move like some people do, am i just that type of person who doesn't feel and enjoy the music like others do?.
I've always lived just with my father and my paternal grandmother, which was like my mom my whole life. My mother and sister lived in the closest city near to mine (everything was perfect with our family, we just lived separately because my parents separated when i was born, but we all got along well).
Then a tough moment came into my life. In June 2015, when i was 16, my grandmother passed away due to a cerebral stroke, i was with her in our house when this happened, i heard her falling down in her room, called ambulance, but they couldn't save her. I didn't cry, because i couldn't. It was just my father and i, and, sadly, our 3 years old cat also died a month after this. It was really hard times for me and my father, he also had problems finding a job, but we were strong to keep it going.
Couple of weeks after all this, i discovered a channel in Youtube called NCS, i listened to the most heard songs and it was amazing, i was feeling how my body actually started to like this type of music.
I got more into the genre, started to hear some songs of Alan Walker, Alesso, Swedish House Mafia, Calvin Harris, Hardwell, Tiesto, Zedd, etc. Everyone of them was amazing, i thought i had finally found my genre, the thing is, almost everyone have a favorite artist/band/singer, i hadn't mine yet. Got into forums and dicussions about EDM, i wanted to see opinions of people who were specialized on the topic, and discovered more and more producers and DJ's.
So an important moment happened, i had finally a dream and goal, EDM Producer and DJ, it was so exciting to see DJ shows on Youtube and how people were so motivated, it was all perfect. Got FL Studio, and watched hours and hours of tutorials.
At the end of 2016, i was adding the recommended Spotify songs to my playlist, i had so many songs and artists included, i used to play games a lot and i loved to have some music playing in the background.
Music kept playing when i finally discovered someone's songs that i was enjoying so much, it was a guy named Avicii, i knew some things about him, and some popular songs like Wake me Up, The Nights, Waiting for Love, Hey Brother. (i just heard them long time ago, didn't know they were from Avicii). My first language isn't English, so i just listened to his songs for the melody, drop, and so. not the lyrics, but it was amazing, it felt so good listening to his songs, it was a feeling i didn't experience before.
It was all good, then it came January 2017, i was 17, and a devastating thing happened in my life. My 20 years old sister died due to depression problems, she had 2 suicide attempts in the past, and lately, she were doing things such like dancing and acting and seemed so energetic and full of life, but it's how depression works, and what nobody wanted to happen, happened.
I didn't want to go to the funeral, cause i don't like them, they're not the way i think they should be, i went anyways to support my parents.
The whole time at the funeral, i was listening to music, specifically, to Avicii, and i've no doubt many people there thought i was a disrespectful person, the truth is, i did it for distraction, i didn't want to think about the death of my own sister, and it worked, i never cried on the whole process of her death, because of the music, i was so focused on how Avicii made his songs, how the melody is composed, which notes, the drop, the bass, even the percussion. Why would i cry this moment? sad things like death, poverty, people with diseases, have always happened and will always happen, and sadly we can't do nothing about it, but i've a goal to reach, i'm full of desire to live thanks to Tim's music.
2017 was when my appreciation and respect for Avicii grew exponentially fast, i also started to discover about the lyrics of his songs and it was just beautiful, somehow, many of them represented my life, sounds like a typical young fanboy/fangirl would say but it's totally true. When it comes to lyrics, the song ''Hey Brother'' reminded me of my sister, ''Sunset Jesus'' helped me to keep my dreams going on, ''Trouble'' lyrics talks about something i would totally say and do, it's full of positivity, ''Friend of Mine'' was released just when I started talking again with an old friend that I didn't talk to for a long time. And so on.
It was just crazy how a person kept me with motivation everyday without even talking with him, just through songs, and that's something just beautiful. I even decided to tattoo my arm in the next years with Avicii's logo and his songs titles.
And now the thing i regret of. It was such a huge fanaticism that i thought about writing him a big letter via email (his business one), talking about how he helped me through many bad things, thanking him and his team for so many things, letting him know he's doing everything good on his life, and because to him, now i have a goal. Maybe he wouldn't ever read it, but it was something totally not impossible. The months passed, and once a week, before sleeping i've always thought ''hmm, i still haven't write that letter for Tim, i'll start tomorrow.''
Worst and shocking thing is, i thought of it again yesterday, the night of 19th April, while i was hearing to his songs before sleeping like almost everyday this last month, and i was way more decided to do it now.
Today, i was in class, when i took my phone and saw a message from a friend saying something about Avicii i didn't understand, i thought it was something related to the Billboard Music Awards, because he was nominated, but i realized today was just 20th April, Billboard date was still far away, so i googled Avicii and saw the news. Felt the same sensation i felt when i was told my sister was in the hospital close to death. It was weird, cause it's like your mind just blocks, you have no emotions, not joy, not sadness, not anger, you're just in blank trying to figure out what just happened, and why now. It's even worse when you see the news with your printed Avicii hoodie on, with his new album's wallpaper on your phone you've been using for such a long time. I still had an hour of class left but i couldn't pay any attention, i tried to, but in my head there was so many things going on, i just wanted to go home and rest. Going down the stairs to go home i felt how my legs were shaking, i really can't describe it more, if i had to explain it with a word, it's the sensation of ''why''.
When Chester Bennington died, it was a similar feeling, way less shocking than today's though. How is it that such a recognized artist just passes away that young? someone you heard so many times and sang their songs? all of a sudden?.
But now it happened to my favorite artist, my favorite artist BY FAR. You don't know how many times i thought to myself ''i can't die without having a picture with Avicii, i don't know i'll do it, but i promise i'll do it.''
Now my conclusion and final thoughts:
I didn't cry about this, and i won't, if you feel like you want to, you are totally free to do it, we're humans. But for my part, i don't think crying is the solution, sounds cruel, but nothing you do can change a decease, that's what i learnt from a life of many sad things, you just have to keep going, best way to commemorate someone who passed away, is to remember him, remember the good things of that person. Avicii is my favourite artist and i promise that won't ever change. To whoever is depressed and this sudden news shocked them, trust me, i have faced this experience many times, there are so many things in life that are worth living for, share love, be kind, talk with people, share experiences, and find a goal, one or more, keep fighting for it, if you face a bad situation try to keep the calm, and just accept it, sometimes life isn't fair, but what can we do? we just got to be strong, cause you get nothing by being sad and crying. It sounds cliche, no doubt it does, but sometimes cliches are true like this one.
Just like Avicii's ''Trouble'' song says:
''Oh I've seen trouble more than any man should bear, But I've seen enough joy, I've had more than my share, And I'm still not done, I'm only halfway there, I'm a million miles ahead of where I'm from, But there's still another million miles to come''
Keep it in mind everyday.
To Avicii: Remember the letter i was going to send you? I'm so sorry i didn't write it before, but this is it, it's not the way i wanted it to be, not at all, not in this situation. The goal of having a pic with you is pending, just like the dream of me being a producer just like you, and having a conversation between me and you. I don't believe in a god, but i wish there is actually a heaven and i've no doubt you're there. And yes, indeed i'm going to tattoo myself your logo and songs.
It's weird but i don't feel like listening to any Avicii today, even to any music, cause i know it's going to take a whole different turn. I'm kind of sad today, and probably will be the whole week, but i know the next one, i'll have the same energy and joy i've ever had, because it takes some time assimilate things that happened all of a sudden.
If you read all of this, infinite thanks for your time. And if you're an Avicii fan, please keep him always in your memories.
Avicii always in our hearts! ◢◤